How to talk about interior design as a couple
If you are currently at odds with your partner over an interiors project, take heart – you’re not alone. In my line of work, I have seen many couples clash over the design of their home. Tastes are highly individual, with people’s preferences influenced by many different factors including their upbringing and interests, so it’s no surprise that interior design as a couple can be challenging.
Not only do tastes vary – for example, if you grew up in a neutral house and your partner’s childhood home was all about colour and pattern, you may well have very different preferences – but money can also be a sticking point. What one person thinks is worth splurging on could be viewed by their partner as a waste of money.
Communication tips for planning an interior design project with a partner
When my husband Ian and I first moved in together, we had very different ideas about how we wanted our home to look. The solution? We put clear communication first, taking an open-minded approach to one other’s ideas. Below, I’ve outlined my top tips for a stress-free interior design experience like ours.
Start with what you agree on
Begin the design process by identifying aspects on which you and your partner agree. This provides a solid foundation to build upon and ensures that you both feel valued and heard from the start. For example, you might discover a shared appreciation for open-plan living, wooden floors or a particular finish such as brass or stainless steel. If it's challenging to find common ground, try evoking a happy shared experience such as a beach holiday. You could then incorporate elements of coastal style into your plans or draw inspiration from a favourite hotel's moody colour scheme.
Once you have identified these commonalities, you can start to explore design elements that can be more contentious, such as colour schemes, lighting preferences and furniture choices. The key with these is to keep an open mind and remain flexible as you work towards a shared vision. Aim to step outside your comfort zone and experiment with different ideas and styles.
Bring your design ideas together
When you are working on a design project with a partner, it's essential to acknowledge that their preferences and opinions are as important as your own. If you dismiss their ideas, ultimately you will create tension rather than a space that works for you both. Set aside time for both of you to outline your preferences and commit to incorporating aspects of these in your overall vision.
For example, if your partner is attached to antique pieces but you prefer a modern design scheme, bring the two together by pairing antiques with contemporary elements or using them as focal points in the space. Or, if your partner loves bold colours while you prefer neutral hues, you could agree on a mostly muted interior with pops of colour or incorporate bold colours in areas such as the cloakroom or home office. When you amalgamate ideas in this way , you create a space that is not only aesthetically pleasing but also meaningful to both you and your partner.
Expect to make sacrifices
As with many relationship-based scenarios, you are likely to have to let some things go when planning interior design as a couple. However, this does not mean that you will need to back down on what’s important to you. As your project gets starts to take shape, evaluate and prioritise what is negotiable and what is not – and write it down. This will take the heat out of later decisions and help you stay true to your shared vision and goals.
Don’t rush the decision-making process
Interior design decision -making can feel overwhelming because of the number of options available. It is tempting in this situation to rush into decisions, especially if they are the source of tension between you and your partner. However, this can lead to regret later. Instead, allow time to consider different ideas and use samples of paint, wallpaper and fabric to narrow down options. This may add time to the process, but when you see your proposed colours and textures combined, you will be able to make more informed decisions.
I recommend trying out each sample in the room where it will be used, as daylight and artificial light in the space will affect the end result. (For example, a paint colour may appear colder than expected in a north-facing room.) Colours and designs can also look very different in reality from how they appear on a screen. When testing paint samples, paint an A3 card rather than a section of the wall, as this gives a more accurate representation of the shade.
Wallpaper samples will give you a better idea of colours and will also help you decide if the design works in the space – for instance, you may find that your proposed oversized floral paper is too overpowering for the room. Similarly, fabric swatches will help you confirm that you are happy with colours and designs, and enable you to feel the texture for yourself.
Contact an interior designer
An interior designer will bring an objective, expert eye to your design project. This is helpful whether or not you feel overwhelmed, as a designer can guide you through all of the stages of the process. They will also ensure a cohesive design, which can be tricky when you are bringing very different styles together.
Your relationship with your designer is likely to be long-lasting, as many projects last between two and three years. It is therefore essential to choose someone you get along with and have common ground with. After all, you are trusting them to create the most private spaces in your home, so you need to be able to open up to them and be yourself.
A positive relationship is also vital for when there are areas of disagreement (as there inevitably will be). It’ll help you find solutions and move forward, knowing that while you may not always agree on details, ultimately you and your partner share the same goal.
